Saturday Musings…

I’m sitting here sipping my coffee reflecting on how much fun I had with my gal pal visiting me here in Tulsa this week.  I cried when she left, I thoroughly enjoyed having her here with me this week.  I hated to see her go but she had to get her car to the dealership back home as the driver side window on her car fell down into her car door yesterday when she was out running a few errands in preparation for our session last night. Thank goodness I’ve been having her keep her car in my garage so having the window down wasn’t a major problem.  Nevertheless, she needed to get home and get that window taken care of before rain or the cold weather comes back in full force and effect.

I enjoyed having a girlfriend around this week.  We did our daily grind and were able to enjoy our evenings together.  We did “girly” things like shopping, eating a bite of dinner our and about…I took her to walking group with me and she thoroughly enjoyed that and I enjoyed having her there with me. 

My gal pal enjoyed the sessions I had set up with several of my special friends…last night’s session was definitely the most challenging, mostly because of the subject submissive…he’s simply not a man that either one of us would meet in a normal or vanilla social setting…and certainly not someone that is Not attractive sexually. 

As my gal pal pulled out of my driveway, the tears came…I’m not a crier so that made me mad at myself, but I started missing her, the companionship she provided this week, which was a very trying and emotionally raw week for me.  I’ve been trying to figure out why this Valentine’s Day upset me more than the last couple of years after my mother’s death and it doesn’t make any sense, not that grief is supposed to make sense or have a specific time to pop up in one’s life…the combination of dealing with a bout of my grief for my mother with the turmoil, frustration and downright anger with my job was just too much for me this week…I can’t remember when I’ve felt to comsumed with those emotions…but I do know, I was so grateful I had a friendly and caring ear to listen to me, to calm me and point out ways to deal with things.  I was embarrassed at how emtoional and downright uncontrollable I was with my anger and frustration.  I’ve never allowed myself to spin and whirl for 3-days over things I have no control. 

Today, I’m still raw from it all…my body is rebelling and reminding me why I need to take care and not let things get so built up inside of myself.  I need to get it together, get my personal act together, let go of the anger and frustration with the job and keep a keen eye out to find another job.  I’m ready to move on to another job…which kind of surprised me because it isn’t easy to change jobs, but I’m ready should I find another job any time soon.  I’m ready to turn in my resignation and move on with my work life.  And I know I’ll eventually find another job I just have to be persistent and patient. 

I’ve enjoyed the sexual breaks that this week brought…though I see the growing need to find a suitable and viable man to share intimate moments with upon occassion.  I’ll find one eventually, once again, I have to be patient and aware…

Time to put another load in the washing machine and tackle some more projects around the house.  One of my goals this weekend is to decide on the vegetables I’m going to start from seed and get them bought and planted in my little greenhouse, tha way come mid-March, I will have viable plants to transplant into a full blow garden this year.  I’m determined to get some veggies going this year to help ease the load of the cost of rising food prices.

More to come/cum…I’m still sorting through all the sessions from this past week and getting ready to share the juicy details.

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