Rather than getting dressed and heading out to Lowe’s to rent a Rug Doctor carpet cleaning machine, I got myself another cup of coffee, sat done and caught up my reading on all the blogs that I follow.
I have to admit, I rather enjoyed myself…I felt like I reconnected with some old friends, folks that I may never meet in person, but I sure enjoy reading about what goes on in their minds and lives. This always causes me to take a look at my own life and where I find myself…which lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking of where I’m at in my life.
I’m doing my best to settle into the new job. It isn’t where I wanted to be in my work life…I didn’t want to leave the last job, the somewhat coziness I had settled into…I had the ill-feelings towards everyone that got to stay at the last office…why did they all get to stay and I had to go? I know, it isn’t for me to question…but you know, who else is going to call that all into question but me? I get mad at myself for continuing to think about it all. What was, what could’ve been, what would’ve been…it wasn’t MY choice and I think that’s the crux of what’s pissing me off…that an the unanswered questions.
Last Friday stirred up those ill-will feelings…I thoroughly enjoyed lunch with my former lunch buddy. We’ll resume having lunch together on Fridays. I enjoyed seeing my friend, talking to her, but I found myself sliding back into wanting to know if anyone missed me at the former job and what was going on, what drama I was missing out on. I tried to bring it into check and that made myself for allowing those thoughts to overtake simply speeding time with my dear friend.
I keep reviewing Friday afternoon over and over in my head…let it go, let it all go…what is done is done!!! I’ve been thrown out into the real world again and I don’t like it!! I don’t like being what I consider, one of the “have nots”…which equates to me as someone that “has not” any real health insurance. I’m one of so many millions of people in this country and maybe that’s what is really bothering me…I don’t know, I’ve yet to pin-point this uneasy feeling…
Other than, I know that I must get my fat ass in gear and stay healthy and vital for at least, 2 years!!! Why 2 years? That’s the timetable I’ve given myself to get in a better financial position to be able to purchase some decent health coverage for myself on my own dime. My car will be paid for in 2 years…thus freeing up some of my income to allow me to pay for my own health coverage…my question is will my arthritis medicine keep me viable enough to get through the next 2 years? My right hand started hurting on Thursday…swelling at the base of the fingers like it does when the inflammation monster starts on a rampage…I noticed while mowing the yard yesterday that it was sore and still swollen…it’s been very stiff in the mornings…I’ll just have to wait and see what happens…can’t really think about doing anything to it, with it, about it…simply no money there to investigate with my rheumatologist…I’ll just have to wait until it becomes unbearable and I can’t type on the computer keyboard!!!
No carpeting cleaning for me today…I’ve simply lost the desire to venture forth…I think I’ll grab a cup of coffee and go sit out on the patio as the day heats up to somewhat “normal” early September temps…it’s already 82 degrees, but the humidity is low, so it’s tolerable to be out in the shade.
Yep, I’m fiddle farting my holiday Monday away…can’t think of a better way to spend a day off from the office!!!! Okay, I can think of several different ways…just haven’t had anyone wanting to venture in that direction!!!!