Sounds kind of cryptic doesn’t it? Things feel pretty cryptic right now…the HR basically confirmed that things were not going as well as I had hoped. The “review” was not a good one today, so, I surmised that getting my ducks in a row and finding new employ before the next 30-days are up is imperative.
A sense of hurt, anger, frustration, panic…all the levels of the cycle are alive and in there to be felt…I wanted to do nothing but cry all afternoon…everything seems so stupid and ridiculous…why should I give a shit about any of it at this point?
I was told there were no alternatives in this situation…even if I were to pull it out in the next 30-days and become the secretary all three folks want to have as their secretary, why would I want to subject myself to this bullshit every 6-months or go through this psychological crap every 90-days. I really don’t see things changing in that regard…I’m always going to be under the microscope, these “babies” don’t want to grow up, they want a secretary that can do it all for them…just didn’t communicate that to me early enough in our relationship.
For me, I’m done. It is time to look elsewhere. I’m devastated but will survive…not sure what I will find but I’ve got to give it a try. I was told by the HR that I cannot remain at the firm as a floater secretary or temporary…which is what I have requested several times in the past. Not really sure the reasoning behind all that but it would have enabled me to stay employed, as well as remain on the insurance which I will no longer be able to afford my arthritis medication as I won’t be able to afford COBRA coverage when I do leave the firm. I will become one of the many folks that won’t have insurance until I’m once again employed and on a company plan.
So, my days are numbered at my current employ. I’m so disappointed in the folks that I work for and with…I’ve got to stop having so much respect and awe of people…they only disappoint me and show me that they really aren’t all that spectacular and he/she are really only looking out for himself or herself…I’m disposable and that really hits low. I would like to think that I contribute something to the game…but apparently not.
My days are numbered…