Sunday Reflections (5-16-10)


The weekends go by too quickly…I just find a calm and happy place in myself and then it’s time to go back to work Hell!!!

I just completed the 4th week in my 90-day employment probation.  I have no idea how I’m doing…the HR has been too busy or out of the office so she hasn’t conducted my “weekly review.”  My nerd attorney reviewed me last week over things that we worked on 3-weeks prior.  My main attorney that seems to have the biggest problem with me flew to St. Thomas for a convention Wednesday through tomorrow (Monday)…back in the office on Tuesday morning…so, who knows how I’m doing.

I am still cycling through all the various emotions…I ended up working late last Monday evening and then Friday evening…Friday evening was interested because I had to stay and help the gal that is pregnant again.  This was the first time she has had to work late to get a brief filed.  She was not a happy camper…she made several big mistakes in communicating with her paralegal in that she did in on e-mail…you should NEVER have an argument with ANYONE on e-mail or a written statement…this gal also made several declarations that she was going to be on the Sunday paper and actively looking for another job…this was bullshit and she was done with it all.

Wow, talk about sadistically amused…I hate that the gal feels that she’s so put upon…I appreciate that she’s fed up with her paralegal and “lack” of communication…funny, but that seems to abound in our particular group at this firm…what I wanted to tell this gal was that none of this was EVER going to change and how much I was struggling with updating my resume and actively searching for a new job.

And then I wondered if both that gal and I were actively looking for another job, who would get one of the job openings?  Or would either one of us get a job if we both applied?

I could reason and justify why “I” should be hired over a 32-year-old pregnant woman 20-years younger than myself…but would it really matter?  Are employers willing to hire a younger woman with family and new baby constraints over a woman in her 50’s that has no family constraints at all?  It would, it will be interesting to see how all this develops!!

I’m embarking on a “me” campaign this week.  I’m joining the downtown walking group on Tuesday and Thursday evenings…I getting myself back into Monday evening and Saturday morning yoga classes…I’m going to start getting my ample ass out of bed in the mornings and doing something, walking or heading to the Y to swim or maybe even go to the Kick Boxing class that is offered early mornings Thursdays…I’m determined to get a hold of myself and get back on track over the summer…who knows, I may find myself unemployed in the middle of the summer…but I will have a way to relieve and release the stress that is happening in my life.

I’ve sporadically engaged in naughty, nasty thinking…for some crazy reason, I simply can’t get there right now…the other parts of my life have clouded my ability to let my imagination go…

The estate sale of my parents’ belongings concluded yesterday…my brother is taking it pretty hard, I knew he would…the finality of those chapters in our lives is rapidly coming to a close…it has to, we have to close the last chapter and move forward…I tear up thinking of how the last couple of months have gone and I’m blown away…I think of all the things I need to do now with my own life…how I need to give serious consideration to cleaning up the junk in my life, getting it out and gone…how I need to get my preferences in health care directives down on paper and given to the people I will entrust to carry out my last wishes should I ever become incapacitated…I need to get my life insurance beneficiaries changed as my parents are no longer considerations…

I will turn my time and attention to MY house…this is now MY home and there is no “coming home” any more…I will load up the final batch of “stuff” that I’m bringing to my house over the next couple of weeks from my parents’ house, which will be very difficult to do but I need to say my final good-bye…again, just thinking about the finality of it all chokes me up…WOW, it’s just a house…but it was home for so long.

On a brighter note, we’re getting together today to celebrate my oldest niece’s college graduation.  It doesn’t seem possible that she’s already a beautiful, intelligent young woman venturing out into the big ol’world…she’ll be starting physical therapy school at OU in a couple of weeks…we are all so proud of her and the fact that she was one of the few that got admitted into the OU Health and Sciences program.  We will all come together and celebrate…it is time to celebrate in the midst of all this craziness…

I’ll be fine, just working through the rough patches and figuring it all out…it’s another cloudy, humid day…there’s more rain in the forecast…in fact, I think the week ahead is very little sun in the forecast, mostly rain.

I need to get busy and get my Sunday underway…I’ve got a busy day ahead…have a great day and a great week head!!!!

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