Saturday Motivation…

I just can’t seem to get motivated this morning. I’m mentally exhausted…being on probation at the office has me on pins and needles, especially yesterday, Friday. I was supposed to have my weekly review yesterday but the HR did not have all the reports she needed so she was hoping to be able to get with me yesterday afternoon…I was too busy yesterday afternoon as my main attorney came in around 3:30 p.m., which means I had mail deadlines to meet before I could even leave for the day…so, we will meet on Monday morning to “review” my first week of employment probation.

I keep going through the emotional/psychological cycles…first I’m mad, then sad, then frustrated…next there is a glimmer of hope, then I get really paranoid…I’m honestly not sure what I want to do. Though I’m coming to a point where I really don’t think I want to stay at this firm…I’m really not sure I want to stay in the legal profession…maybe it really is time for a career change…AND the cycle begins again.

I will continue to jump through the hoops, I know how important it is to have a plan in place before resigning from a job…I’m hoping I’ll be able to meet all their criteria in order to stay employed through and after this 90-days. Maybe it would be best to stay at this job until the first of the year????? I don’t know, I simply don’t know what I’m going to do but I’m going to have to do something…

I do want to kick the shit out of my cubemate…she left me high and dry Thursday afternoon…just like on Good Friday, which I am going to tell the HR about these incidents of her leaving without ALL of her people knowing…then I find myself having to take care of her people, my people and I end up spending anywhere to an hour or two getting out of the office…while I’m glad she’s getting some much needed “mental health” relief by getting out of the office early…what’s in it for me?

I was going to try and go to yoga this morning, that always makes me feel better overall…but I simply couldn’t get it together enough this morning to go…I don’t like being late, I don’t like people coming into yoga class late, so, I didn’t go. I just simply don’t have the “umph” to do it today. I’ll regret it, I always feel so good after yoga class, but I’m just simply not in a good place this morning…too much running through my head…

So, I’m trying to stay motivated this morning…motivated to do what? Maybe I’ll go and get some flowers and get those going on my patio and flowerbeds…working in the dirt always makes me feel good, makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something…

The funny part of this all is that I simply don’t want to be around other people…I don’t want company…I simply want to be by myself…alone with my thoughts and feelings…crazy, huh?

Time for another cup of coffee…time to make another walk through the house…

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