Oh, the cycles of grief!!! I’ve been doing pretty good all weekend…the big snow on Saturday into yesterday made it easy to stay home and hibernate…though I didn’t really sleep all the more than usual…
This morning, I find myself extremely tired, even a bit depressed!! The first thing I did was grab my phone and start to call the hospital to check on dad…Wow, where did that come from? I haven’t done that for the last two days…why, today?
I would just blow off the day and stay home…everyone would understand…but that’s not me. I’ve got to push through this and get back to some routine. I’m most comfortable and myself when I’m in a routine…
I’m sure I’ll have my moments today…people will feel awkward when they see me…that’s okay, I’m not sure how comfortable I would be with someone like me that simply refuses to take time off from work…but then again, if more gals were like me, we wouldn’t have all the freaking drama and absenteeism!!! Crazy, huh?
For some reason, my folks instilled in me back when I was growing up and going to school…and mind you, school was NOT my favorite place to be…school was my job, my responsibility to myself. That stuck with me throughout school and now into my work ethic. You have to be present to be a part of it all…why do employers pay us? They pay us to do a job…to do specific jobs, which is to support the attorneys and paralegals for whom we work…if you’re not at your desk, in the office, you can’t provide that support.
I’m sure I’ll go through several levels of this mourning depression…that’s what I’ve decided to deem this feeling, this tiredness…this too will pass…
My siblings and I are busy planning the memorial service for Dad set for Saturday. We are in control…nothing like with what happened for and at Mom’s memorial service. I helped write the obituary and make suggestions about the memorial service program, which will be a golf themed program. It is amazing what one can find on the internet!!!
Time top head to the shower…I want to get to the office and get things cleaned up from Friday. I was a bit distracted Friday afternoon and fear I left things in quite a mess on my desk!!
I’m thinking I will make a big effort to go to my Monday evening yoga class tonight…I always feel so much better after I go to my yoga classes…I consider it something I do expressly for myself!!
Have a good Monday!!!