Thursday…Pretty Much The Same As Yesterday…


I was up again before the alarm…I just hit a point in my early morning where I can’t sleep any more. I’m tired but just not able to lay there and rest…so, up and getting around.

I’ve already called the hospital to see what kind of night my dad had…pretty much the same. The staff at the hospital are really good. They keep us informed, they answer our questions…they do their job.

My grandmother, my dad’s mother, was brought up last night. She cried and cried, asking why God was now taking her son and not her.   I feel bad for my grandmother because she is not solid in her faith…it’s always about her, why did God do this to her and that…why did God take her two husbands and now her son but, not her?  It used to upset me…it shattered the image that I had of my grandmother as being a woman of deep Christian faith and conviction…she’s like so many folks that proclaim to be “Christians”…she’s what I refer to as “convenient Christians.”  These are folks that are “close” to God by praying for what they want and need in their lives…when they don’t receive the benefit of whatever it is they get in their head they’re praying for…well, they question God, they question the very foundation upon which their faith is supposed to be based.

I know it is hard to loose a child, at any age…I give my grandmother that…but to question the Maker’s plan for herself and her life…well, I would think after 91-years, the woman would realize that maybe a different path in her faith might be in order.

My cousin and her husband had brought her and we sat there and listened to Grandma crying and talking to my dad. There was no change in the vital numbers…if there was anybody home in that body, the numbers would have spiked, I have no doubt about that. If anything, the numbers dipped a bit.  In my mind and thought process, my dad died on Sunday when he had the initial event.  I envision my mom’s spirit coming to escort my dad to that better place…maybe even taking his hand and leading him into the light…hey, I watch Ghost Whisperer!  The unconscious body laying in that hospital is just the vessel.

I thanked my cousin for bringing our grandmother.  She and I got caught up on life, as well as discussing what was ahead…her dad, my dad’s brother, is not doing well accepting the fact that his brother is not coming home. I know coupled with the fact that my uncle will now be the sole recipient of all my grandmother’s smothering attention, he will miss his older brother…they had become quite close since my mother died a couple of years ago.  I got a better glimpse of the man my cousin is married to…he doesn’t take crap off of our grandmother…he points out the obvious to her.  I honestly can’t say it sinks in with my grandmother but for a few seconds every now and then my grandmother stops talking and just looks at him.  He’s firm with her but not mean and cruel…he’s just firm in what he says to her, which is how she needs to be treated.

Grandma kept asking when Dad will be able to come home and I continued to respond that he wasn’t coming home, that’s why we thought she should come and see him.  I think by the time she left, she was starting to believe me.  The night nurse was great.  He picked up on the fact that my grandmother was hard of hearing, he explained to her what he was doing to my dad and made sure my grandmother understood that my dad wasn’t in pain.  The nurse was kind and patient with my grandmother and I appreciated that…not that she wanted to understand the gravity of what was laying there but I think somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she understood that Dad was not coming home.

I’m hoping the doctors will want to talk to the family here in the next day or two. My brother-in-law said not to be surprised if they wait until Monday. With no DNR papers or life sustaining orders in place, we have to go through all the protocol of diagnosing and presenting what treatment, if any, can be made for my dad. Makes me realize how important it really is to have those little papers with all the initials and witness signatures.

So, the state of limbo continues…he’s no better, no worse…just hanging in there.

Life marches on…

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