Coming To Terms With Things…


This past week has been a trying one on all fronts for me. Several issues I’ve simply not wanted to sit down and confront but have reached a point where I can no longer ignore them…when one dreads the mailman delivering the mail everyday and what will be found in that mail, something has to give. Dealing with my finances has never been a strong point…and coupled with the state of economy, I find myself almost petrified of dealing with my finances…crazy, I know but very real to me. I can be my own worst enemy, for sure!!! Dealing with my dad and his health issues or the lack of wanting to deal with his own health issues, reinforced the simple fact that I need to take care of myself physically AND mentally in order to be in the best of health in all manners and aspects… I hate that I put myself through the nonsense that I do simply because I think I don’t want to be in charge of all areas of my life, but I really do. However, I want to break the vicious cycle of denials…which become even more clear when I heard from a dear friend that is dealing with a drug-addicted daughter and trying to help her come to terms with her addiction and get help…I have nothing to “blame” where I’m at in my issues…laziness is the only term that pops into my head while I sit here and try to sort through where I’m at…I wonder if it would be any easier if I had an alcohol or drug problem? Not that I wish I did, simply wondering if what I’m going through would be any easier if there was a more definite vice? I find myself not at all interested in sex…that’s a bad situation in and of itself…I find myself not wanting to really respond to any of the men that send me notes in my mail box…this all tells me, it’s time…time to deal with anything and everything I’ve been ignoring…I’ve got to get my mojo back as that is part of the solution to the overall financial problem…I do really try to not let the overall issues cloud the sexual desire and needs…again, a vicious cycle that needs to be dealt with on some level… I’m only kidding myself if I don’t get myself under control, sit down, sort through everything and really take things seriously and stop with the “ostrich” principal of dealing with the reality of my life, the reality of my finances… So, I find myself coming to terms with my life…all manners and aspects…I have a feeling as I confront each and every issue, I’ll find the weights lifted off of me and in a much hornier state…I can hear the crowds now, good gawd woman, deal with it already and get back to your “normal” nasty self!!!! Here goes…trying to come to terms with things…

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